a sweet poem

The Ninth Month

Being a duplex
I have been happy, my dear,
To loan you half the house
Rent-free and furnished
As best I could.

You have been a good
Tenant, all in all
Quiet, yet comfortably there
Tapping friendly on the wall.

But I hear
You have outgrown the place
And are packing up to move.
Well, I will miss
The sweet proximity.
But we will keep in touch.
There are bonds, my dear,
That reach beyond a block
Or a mile or a hemisphere
Born of much love and labor.

I approve the move
And gladly turn from landlady
To neighbor. 

--Carol Lynn Pearson

Attending a birth

Last week I had the opportunity to attend my first birth as a doula.  It was amazing.  The mom was a friend of mine and she was so gracious to allow me to attend.  She had a natural birth and was so calm through out her labor.  It was very impressive to me and I am so grateful she gave me the chance to experience a beautiful peaceful birth.

I was lucky to learn a lot there because she had her mom attend who was awesome at connecting with her daughter and guiding her through the difficult parts of delivery.  She was also so willing to let me work together with her and the babies father as part of a wonderful birth team.  I admit that I teared up when the baby was born.  It is such a sweet moment when the new momma lays eyes on her precious baby for the first time. Wonderful.

Doula Bootcamp

Last week I went to what I would tenderly refer to as doula bootcamp.  It was a DONA approved birth doula training, and it was amazing!  Three days for 8 hours a day learning about prenatal care, labor, birth and post-partum care.  I know so many possible birthing positions, it really is amazing all the ways woman can use gravity and their body to make the work of labor easier.  We also learned different comfort measures for labor.  Things like a double hip squeeze, knee press, massage, pressure points, and hydrotherapy.

I am amazed that I feel more prepared to work with a woman during labor.  I feel confident that I would be able to help a woman enjoy the birth of her child, no matter what type of birth she has.  A doula really is there to give the woman a positive experience, no matter what happens.  To in a way cocoon the mother from the things that go wrong and to promote in her mind the things that go right during the birth.  Having a positive birth experience is so important to the woman's psyche and the way she views herself.

I even processed my own births a little more while I was there.  I actually came away remembering a lot of comfort measures that I did do in labor with my son.  I really am not sad about the way his birth went, it was a great experience that changed my views on a lot of things.  One thing I came away with for me, just me not my clients, family, or friends, is that I do not ever want to give birth in a hospital again unless I have too.  The needles, the ligths, the atmosphere, the blood pressure cuff, the bed.  Things that I just do not want to deal with unless I absolutely have to.  It is just not for me.

I learned how to help a woman having a cesarean birth.  There are things you can do, you can change, you can say to help a mother have a more positive experience with her birth.  For example simply telling her what the doctor is doing, telling her about the baby after he/she is born.  Holding her hand, the comfort of just knowing someone else is there for you during major surgery.  Helping her hold the baby skin to skin before he/she is taken to the nursery, that promotes a lot for the mother to see and touch the baby.  As a doula I also can stay with the mother and let the father go with the baby as she is being stitched up.  Doulas are for every kind of support, physical, emotional, mental, we are there to mother the mother.

For a mother having an epidural, she still needs comfort and often still needs help dealing with the contractions.  Helping her know how or when to push, encouraging her.  There are so many ways we as woman want and need to be supported during this momentous occasion as we either become mothers or add children to our lives.

I have to admit I cried at least a little during every birth we saw at the training.  Birth is so amazing and so special.  We did a word web during our class and came up with a statement about our perception of birth. I wrote:

Birth is the sweet experience of new life coming to earth.  It unites families in love and tenderness.  It is a sacred and emotional event for all involved. 

I am so excited as I continue on my journey to becoming a birth doula and helping woman to have a positive experience through out their pregnancy, during the birth of their baby, breastfeeding, and during those precious first weeks their babies life.

Why birth naturally

I had my second baby natural, no drugs of any kind.  I have gotten a lot of questions about that choice, both before and after she was born.

"why go through the pain when you can get an epidural and feel nothing"

"you don't get a medal/prize for natural birth"

"thousands of women a year have an epidural and them and their babies are just fine"

and of course simply

"WHAT? WHY?"

I could spend an hour educating them on why I believe natural birth to be better for both mother and baby. I could sight dozens of studies and evidence, I could give anecdotal evidence.  But none of this usually works and most of what I would say would not make sense to the people asking me the question.

So last week someone said "you had your daughter naturally?  Why would you want to go through that? Just get an epidural!"  I gave them this reply "Why do people run marathons?  Why does someone climb Mt. Everest?  Why do people go sky diving?" Now sure some people do get medals or prizes for running a marathon, but that is a select few out of the thousands that run, most don't get anything.  So why do people do these other things?  For the experience, the thrill, the adrenaline, or simply so they can say that they have done it.  The person I was talking to thought for a second then shockingly said, "oh. that makes sense".

My experience trying to explain my birthing decision has taught me more than anything to support others in their birthing choices.  It really is no one else's business but their own.  If someone has made an educated decision, just keep your commentary to yourself.  Unless they ask you of course, then educate away what you believe to be best.

Great Birthing Books!

I have read a lot of great birthing books that I have loved and that have helped me with my babies and others I have referred to them.  Now I have linked them all with amazon, because that is where I buy most of my books.

 My favorite book that I read while I was pregnant with my daughter was "Birthing From Within" by Pam England.  This book just kind of spoke to me if you will.  However, whenever I recommend it to anyone I always find myself prefacing it, because it is a little odd to the average person.  In the book she talks a lot about birth art and the beginning is pretty unique.  But the second half has a lot of good advice on coping during labor. Reading birthing from within gave me a lot of confidence. It also made me look inside myself and see and realize my anxieties and preconceived notions about birth.

Ina Mae books!  She has several and they are all great for expectant mothers. Ina Mae's Guide to Childbirth is a great one to start with.  I would say it is the most mainstream of her books. She has a good range of technical how birth works type of information and techniques to find peace in birthing.  Another book of hers I liked is Spiritual Midwifery it is a little more "hippie" than a lot of people are used to. She talks about her journey to becoming a midwife. Her days living in the caravan and learning to deliver babies out of necessity. She also has Birth Matters which promotes natural childbirth and shows the importance of birth and peace in childbirth.  


My favorite part of the Ina Mae books is the stories.  I loved reading the birth stories of these woman she had seen and helped over the years, it made me feel I was not alone.  I loved feeling that comrodery with these other women who had been where I was. I drew strength from their positive birth stories wanting to have these joyful experiences like they had.  She had many different stories so that everyone could relate to one of them.


Gentle Birth Choices by Barbara Harper was the first natural birthing book I actually read.  It is very long and written like a textbook.  It gave a lot of different choices and showed you that you have options. One section she has in there is birth myths, things that we believe or are lead to believe which actually are not true. One eye opener was how much say we have in our care that we do not realize, as consumers we should control the market, not the other way around.


Pushed by Jennifer Block. Interesting, has a different feel than the other books. She shows a lot more of the business and legal side of birth and decisions around birth. Another book that was similar to me was The Thinking Woman's Guide To a Better Birth.  Both of these had a lot of research and statistics.  The positive thing I found in these books was that statistically speaking it was perfectly safe for me to have my baby not in a hospital.  This was important to me because people around me told me it was risky and I was glad to direct them to studies along with my personal confidence.


The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth reminded me a little of what to expect when you are expecting.  It went through the weeks of pregnancy and was a lot more pregnancy focused rather than being mainly focused on the actual birth process. It was informative and very general. Personally, it was not really my type of book, but it is very highly recommended and great for a general reference for any woman.


As I continue to read more I will try to do mini reviews of the books.

Prenatal Yoga

*As I am reading "The Birth Partner" third edition by Penny Simkin I am trying to record thoughts that I have that may be helpful in my doula work.

One of the best things I did during my second pregnancy was prenatal yoga.  As I did not have the funds or someone to watch my older son during a class I used video tapes from our library.  After going through several dvd's I finally found one that I really liked.  I liked it because it had different modifications for each trimester. A lot of the other instruction dvds were just general pregnancy yoga and were either way to difficult with a larger belly or too easy.  Prenatal Yoga with Shiva Rea was on my TV every night from abot 25 weeks on.  Ok, not every night but I did my yoga 3 to 4 times a week and I think it really helped to keep my muscles toned and flexible.

Exercise is something that is not really focused on during pregnancy, but is so important.  I think we often say "oh, I am pregnant so I can't do that" but our bodies need help gearing up for the work they must do during the birth of our babies. Yoga is an especially nice exercise because it helps you learn to focus, to find a calm place in your mind.  It also has many positions that take the pressure off your back and a lot of other places that get sore during pregnancy.  A few of the various exercises I learned from my yoga dvd I would do throughout the day  because they would alleviate stress so well.  Controlled breathing taught in yoga is also beneficial during labor to draw your focus in on yourself as your body labors.

My Story

Having children has changed me immensely.  In a world of turmoil, pain, and suffering, they help me see good, purity, and truth.  Having children has taught me to stand up for something I believe, to advocate.  I want for everyone to feel the joy that comes from babies, from children. That joy starts during pregnancy as you are growing that little being, and flourishes after the birth of your infant.  I desire to give other woman the gift of seeing the beauty and being able purely enjoy the birth of their child along with the first few weeks of learning how to mother that baby. 

On January 27, 2009 I found out I was expecting my first child.  It was an unexpected, but welcome surprise.  I was finishing my last semester of college, and would move across the country for a summer internship and job for my husband.  I didn’t know anyone in our new place and chose an OB/GYN at random.  My only preparation for his birth was reading “What to expect when you’re expecting” and going to part of a birthing class at the hospital when I was 37 weeks pregnant. 

Going into his birth I wanted to do it natural, as my mom had with me.  My mom had 6 children, the oldest was a cesarean birth, followed by 3 all natural vbacs, then 1 with an epidural, and the last natural.  On September 23 at 3:06 pm my water broke.  I immediately called my husband as I had been instructed to do and went to the hospital.  I was not having any contractions and was 2 cm dilated.  My attending midwife quickly decided as soon as I finished the first bag of antibiotics for being GBS positive I would be given pitocen to induce labor. The pitocen was increased every half hour until it was maxed out.  I kept getting up saying I had to use the bathroom just to be able to walk around and not be tied to the bed. My midwife was worried that since I was a first time mom and was not having contractions yet that it would be a long labor which is why she was so quick to give pitocen.

After a few hours on pitocen and at the great urging of my husband and midwife I got an epidural.  I was more scared of the epidural than having my son, I detested needles and it took two tries and some spinal fluid leakage to get it in right. After the epidural was in the nurse checked me and I was dilated to a 10, looking back I was a little sad thinking if I had just had some encouragement I could have had my baby all natural.  The midwife had me wait for an hour before pushing so she could attend to another woman.  After I began pushing my baby was born 30 minutes later.  His cry was a beautiful thing to hear, I will never forget his face as he was handed immediately to me, still warm and wet, slippery from vernix. I had two tears that were 2^nd to 3^rd degree which needed stitching. He roomed in and we began a troubled breastfeeding journey.  By two weeks nursing was too painful, I resorted to pumping and bottle feeding. Finally at my husband’s prompting I went to a lactation consultant. I learned so much and discovered I had thrush from the antibiotic during labor and that my baby was not latching right.  By six weeks my son was back on the breast, and though we continued to have our various struggles he nursed until he was 20 months old. 

In retrospect I wish I had been better educated, I wish I would have learned more, I wish I had someone who would have said have you considered all your options.  I really wish I had someone who had told me, it is ok to say no to your doctor or midwife.  You do not have to blindly follow them. However, I would not have changed anything about that experience, because it shaped me, it drove me to look for something more. My biggest regret was not making informed decisions, before that night I had never even heard of pitocen.

Two years later I was again going to be blessed with a baby.  I found myself very educated and prepared for my second birth and baby.  I read so many books, over a dozen birthing books and watched many video documentaries. I chose to have my baby girl at Better Birth birthing center.  In preparation for her birth I also drank gallons of red raspberry leaf tea and took evening primrose oil.  I had a great fear of being GBS positive because I felt like that added a lot of stress to my son’s birth, I took two garlic tablets a day from 28 weeks on, and I was GBS negative this time.

 I went into labor a week before my due date; labor hit hard, no early warnings just 0 to 60.  I was contracting every 2 to 3 minutes for a minute per contraction.  We called the midwives and arraigned to meet them at the birth center in an hour.  I gathered up the last minute things as best I could between contractions and we dropped my son off at his grandparents’ house.  After arriving at the birthing center I asked to be checked and was dilated to 4 cm with my babe being posterior.  The midwives had me lay on the bed with pillows arranged to help my baby turn.  My husband rubbed my back during every contraction.  After an hour I asked to get in the tub.  What sweet relief is a warm tub in labor.  I quickly began vocalizing to get through contractions and had my sweet husband pour water over my belly.  Later he told me it made him feel silly but it was something else for me to focus on.  I continually repeated in my head a phrase from the book birthing from within, “Do nothing extra” it helped me to focus and channel my energy. After about another hour in the tub I felt like pushing, to me it felt like I pushed forever but my midwife told me it was only 9 minutes.  Pushing her out hurt, as other mothers warned me there would be a moment I would say never mind, I don’t want to do this. But it was too late, I reached down to feel my baby’s head I could tell she was right there.  I pushed her head out and then the midwife instructed me to reach down and pull her out of the water.  Suddenly it was the peace after a storm; I beheld my perfect little wrinkly baby.  I walked over to the bed, umbilical cord still connecting us, and sat down with my husband to look at our little beauty.  After the cord stopped pulsating I cut it.  The placenta took about half an hour to come out; I was surprised that no one was concerned by this as it had been pulled out after my son was born. I was happy that I did not have any tears with my second labor.

I decided to become a doula because I want women to enjoy and love the experience of giving life, no matter where or how they choose to do it, I want it to be a pleasant memory.  I can’t help but smile and tear up as I think of the births of my babies.  Nothing is so sweet as a pure little newborn.