My Story

Having children has changed me immensely.  In a world of turmoil, pain, and suffering, they help me see good, purity, and truth.  Having children has taught me to stand up for something I believe, to advocate.  I want for everyone to feel the joy that comes from babies, from children. That joy starts during pregnancy as you are growing that little being, and flourishes after the birth of your infant.  I desire to give other woman the gift of seeing the beauty and being able purely enjoy the birth of their child along with the first few weeks of learning how to mother that baby. 

On January 27, 2009 I found out I was expecting my first child.  It was an unexpected, but welcome surprise.  I was finishing my last semester of college, and would move across the country for a summer internship and job for my husband.  I didn’t know anyone in our new place and chose an OB/GYN at random.  My only preparation for his birth was reading “What to expect when you’re expecting” and going to part of a birthing class at the hospital when I was 37 weeks pregnant. 

Going into his birth I wanted to do it natural, as my mom had with me.  My mom had 6 children, the oldest was a cesarean birth, followed by 3 all natural vbacs, then 1 with an epidural, and the last natural.  On September 23 at 3:06 pm my water broke.  I immediately called my husband as I had been instructed to do and went to the hospital.  I was not having any contractions and was 2 cm dilated.  My attending midwife quickly decided as soon as I finished the first bag of antibiotics for being GBS positive I would be given pitocen to induce labor. The pitocen was increased every half hour until it was maxed out.  I kept getting up saying I had to use the bathroom just to be able to walk around and not be tied to the bed. My midwife was worried that since I was a first time mom and was not having contractions yet that it would be a long labor which is why she was so quick to give pitocen.

After a few hours on pitocen and at the great urging of my husband and midwife I got an epidural.  I was more scared of the epidural than having my son, I detested needles and it took two tries and some spinal fluid leakage to get it in right. After the epidural was in the nurse checked me and I was dilated to a 10, looking back I was a little sad thinking if I had just had some encouragement I could have had my baby all natural.  The midwife had me wait for an hour before pushing so she could attend to another woman.  After I began pushing my baby was born 30 minutes later.  His cry was a beautiful thing to hear, I will never forget his face as he was handed immediately to me, still warm and wet, slippery from vernix. I had two tears that were 2^nd to 3^rd degree which needed stitching. He roomed in and we began a troubled breastfeeding journey.  By two weeks nursing was too painful, I resorted to pumping and bottle feeding. Finally at my husband’s prompting I went to a lactation consultant. I learned so much and discovered I had thrush from the antibiotic during labor and that my baby was not latching right.  By six weeks my son was back on the breast, and though we continued to have our various struggles he nursed until he was 20 months old. 

In retrospect I wish I had been better educated, I wish I would have learned more, I wish I had someone who would have said have you considered all your options.  I really wish I had someone who had told me, it is ok to say no to your doctor or midwife.  You do not have to blindly follow them. However, I would not have changed anything about that experience, because it shaped me, it drove me to look for something more. My biggest regret was not making informed decisions, before that night I had never even heard of pitocen.

Two years later I was again going to be blessed with a baby.  I found myself very educated and prepared for my second birth and baby.  I read so many books, over a dozen birthing books and watched many video documentaries. I chose to have my baby girl at Better Birth birthing center.  In preparation for her birth I also drank gallons of red raspberry leaf tea and took evening primrose oil.  I had a great fear of being GBS positive because I felt like that added a lot of stress to my son’s birth, I took two garlic tablets a day from 28 weeks on, and I was GBS negative this time.

 I went into labor a week before my due date; labor hit hard, no early warnings just 0 to 60.  I was contracting every 2 to 3 minutes for a minute per contraction.  We called the midwives and arraigned to meet them at the birth center in an hour.  I gathered up the last minute things as best I could between contractions and we dropped my son off at his grandparents’ house.  After arriving at the birthing center I asked to be checked and was dilated to 4 cm with my babe being posterior.  The midwives had me lay on the bed with pillows arranged to help my baby turn.  My husband rubbed my back during every contraction.  After an hour I asked to get in the tub.  What sweet relief is a warm tub in labor.  I quickly began vocalizing to get through contractions and had my sweet husband pour water over my belly.  Later he told me it made him feel silly but it was something else for me to focus on.  I continually repeated in my head a phrase from the book birthing from within, “Do nothing extra” it helped me to focus and channel my energy. After about another hour in the tub I felt like pushing, to me it felt like I pushed forever but my midwife told me it was only 9 minutes.  Pushing her out hurt, as other mothers warned me there would be a moment I would say never mind, I don’t want to do this. But it was too late, I reached down to feel my baby’s head I could tell she was right there.  I pushed her head out and then the midwife instructed me to reach down and pull her out of the water.  Suddenly it was the peace after a storm; I beheld my perfect little wrinkly baby.  I walked over to the bed, umbilical cord still connecting us, and sat down with my husband to look at our little beauty.  After the cord stopped pulsating I cut it.  The placenta took about half an hour to come out; I was surprised that no one was concerned by this as it had been pulled out after my son was born. I was happy that I did not have any tears with my second labor.

I decided to become a doula because I want women to enjoy and love the experience of giving life, no matter where or how they choose to do it, I want it to be a pleasant memory.  I can’t help but smile and tear up as I think of the births of my babies.  Nothing is so sweet as a pure little newborn.